Jonah and Amy Moments
by SPAceRangErHerman
Summary: One shots of moments mentioned in passing on the show and some that I just wish would happen. It's mostly fluff and sarcasm.
1. Mini Minion

A/N: Parker is roughly six months old.

The first thing Jonah's eyes focused on, once Amy opened her front door, was her tired, half-lidded eyes. She was dressed in a stained pair of grey sweatpants and a long-sleeved blouse that he was pretty sure was inside-out. His bright smile softened with sympathy and affection as she leaned against the door jamb and sighed softly.

"I'm so glad you're here," Amy mumbled as she turned to let him pass her. Jonah couldn't resist a kiss to her cheek as he stepped inside.

"So I'm guessing that your morning has been off to a rough start," Jonah hedged as he removed his shoulder bag and jacket. He placed them on the edge of the couch in the living room and began to absent-mindlessly pick up the scattering of toys on and around the coffee-table.

Amy put both hands on the back of the couch and bent forward to stretch her back and legs. She hummed a sound of agreement as she twisted her limbs to feel her sore muscles.

Once Jonah placed his armful of collected baby toys into the corner tub, he crossed the room to Amy. He felt like his body was pulled by a gravitational force towards her, every step forward was effortless.

She straightened up as he approached behind her and leaned back against him as he wrapped his arms around her waist. One hand rested just below her breast as the other made a slow trek across the waistband of her sweats. His lips skimmed a light trail from the skin exposed by her shirt collar to just below her ear lobe. Amy's eyes closed as her hands found and covered his.

"Are we alone?" Jonah asked quietly against the skin behind her ear. The tips of his fingers began to dip below the front of her waistband and rub circles against the skin not covered by her underwear. Amy hummed a response. Jonah's other hand began to trail down her shirt to lift the hem when a sound came from the kitchen made him freeze.

Amy sighed. She picked up the hands under hers and lifted them from her body as she stepped away from him.

"If you haven't guessed already, Adam changed plans last minute and Parker is here this weekend." Amy kept one of Jonah's hands in hers as she walked them to her kitchen, the source of the earlier noise. "Emma is still on that school trip in Jefferson City so it's the three of us today. " They rounded the corner to find Parker smiling gleefully as he painted his high chair with an orange paste, a plastic bowl lay on its side on the floor, soft food splattered in all directions.

Immediately, Jonah smiled in amusement and Amy scowled in annoyance. She dropped his hand as she went to the counter for paper towels and a wet rag.

"Can you?" she asked Jonah as she held the paper towel roll out to him from across the kitchen table.

"Sure," he responded as he grabbed it from her outstretched hand. Amy turned to her son with the wet rag; she wiped his hands and face even as he wiggled to avoid the cold cloth. Jonah made quick work of the mess on the floor as Amy finished with the high chair. Amy quietly thanked him as she took the bowl and dirty towels from him and returned to the kitchen.

"Hey, Champ Jr. Didn't your mother ever teach you to not play with your food?" asked Jonah with amusement as he crouched next to Parker. The baby turned from watching his mother leave the room and made eye contact with him. Parker pointed a chubby little finger at him and slammed his little hands down on the high chair in agitation. Jonah smiled as he brought his hand up and let the baby grab a finger. Amy returned with a cloth over her shoulder.

"It's someone's N-A-P time," Amy said as she came to stand next to Parker. The baby dropped Jonah's finger and turned to his mother, his eyes getting wet and his little body twisting in the restraints.

Jonah looked up at Amy at her entrance, his brows furrowed at her words.

"Why did you spell the word? He can't possibly know the word yet. Right?" asked Jonah as he stood straight. He continued before Amy could open her mouth, "I mean, I don't know much about babies besides what's in that book you gave me but I know that dogs can be trained in a matter of weeks to understand basic commands by just vocal inflections and visual signals."

Amy crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow. "Did you just compare my baby to a dog?" she asked rhetorically.

"NO. No, no, no," Jonah backpedaled quickly. He wrung his hands anxiously. "I'm sure Parker is quite intelligent. If he's anything like his mother," Jonah finished with an apologetic expression.

Amy's expression didn't change for a moment. Then she rolled her eyes, dropped her arms, and turned to the high chair. "Can you help me with this? The release is somewhere on your side. I'll take him upstairs and get him settled for a nap," said Amy. As soon as she finished speaking, Parker let out a cry and began to whine and struggle in earnest.

"Yeah, yeah, okay," nodded Jonah. He squatted down to see underneath the high chair tray. With a _click_, he released the device and moved it forward. Amy reached down and unlatched the buckle holding the squirming child. She lifted him into her arms and asked, "Do you want to wait for me on the couch? I'll be back down in a little bit."

"Sure," Jonah shrugged. Amy turned to leave with the upset baby. Jonah reached a hand up nervously to the nape of his neck as he watched her leave. He spun around and walked to the living room couch. Jonah opened his bag and pulled out a few DVDs. He held _Winston Churchill: Greatest Moments in History, I Know What You Did Last Summer, _and _Insidious_. Jonah shook his head as he set them on the coffee table. He pulled out a bottle of bum wine and a stuffed toy. Jonah took the wine into the kitchen and poured two glasses. He returned to the living room with them and took an embarrassingly long time to figure out which remote worked the television.

He checked his phone; it's been only ten minutes.

Jonah took a seat on the couch and scrolled through Twitter for a couple of minutes. He made a post with a link to a recent article about the living conditions in the Philippines; he tagged Mateo's protest group, even though he knew it was no longer active, because he wanted his 1,784 followers to know he still cared for the cause. Meanwhile, Jonah listened to Parker's unhappy whimpers and Amy's soft voice flow down the stairs.

After another ten minutes (and only twelve 'likes' and four 'retweets' on his post) Jonah stood and put his phone in his pocket. He grabbed the stuffed toy and quietly made his way upstairs.

He followed the voices to Parker's room. Jonah stopped at the door and watched Amy rock a much quieter Parker. The small room was mostly in order. What Amy managed to do with Adam's old "hobby" room never ceased to amaze him. The love and effort put into Parker's room would make a stranger think that he was a long-awaited addition to the family, when in fact Amy struggled to the last day of her pregnancy to find all the things she needed for him.

Amy looked up as Jonah walked into the room. He held the toy behind his back and whispered, "I bought him a little something so he won't miss his mom so much." Jonah brought the toy forward with a soft, "Bahdahbahdahbah," as he presented the round Minion. The corners of Amy's lips lifted and she snorted in amusement. She carefully stood up and slowly placed a sleeping Parker in his crib. She turned his baby monitor on and a lullaby music machine sitting on a shelf by his crib. Amy turned to Jonah with a tired smile; she grabbed his hand and led him from the room. She gently closed the door behind them and tugged him with her downstairs.

"Thank you, Jonah," she told him when they reached the main level. "I don't care much for those annoying, little, cartoon do-dads, but I guess _being_ one with you wasn't so bad. We had fun making up words and acting like goof-balls instead of stocking toilet paper. So, really, just… thank you."

Jonah wasn't sure if he was being thanked for the toy or the day she mentioned but he smiled in response. He offered her the toy which she accepted.

"You wanna have sex?"

"Are you teasing me again?" countered Jonah.

"Bahdah bahdah," she answered with a one-shoulder shrug and coy smile.

Jonah's smile was bright as he brought his hands up and began to undo his plaid, button-down shirt and said, "If I knew you had a thing for Minions, I would wear this more often." He pushed his shirt aside to reveal a t-shirt underneath with the face of a Minion.

Amy couldn't hold back her laughter as Jonah put both of his hands on his hips and puffed out his chest. Over the welcomed sound of Amy's mirth, Jonah said, "See? A Minion for Parker, a Minion for Amy."


	2. Halloween: Trick or Treat

A/N: Halloween night.

'_Never gonna give you up, Never gonna let you down..'_

Amy had only just pulled out of the Cloud 9 parking lot when a muffled drum beat and synthesized piano riff began to drift from the direction of her purse on the passenger seat.

"I have got to change my damn password," she muttered under her breath as she reached out to open her purse. "If I find out which of them changed my ringtone again, I'll RickRoll their unwitty ass to next week.."

'_...Never gonna run around and desert you..'_

Her fingers just found the edges of her cell phone when the driver in front of her suddenly braked at a light that just turned yellow. Amy quickly dropped her phone in an instantaneous response so she could sit straighter and put both hands on the wheel as she stomped hard on the brake. "Idiota," she seethed, when her back returned to the seat.

'_..Never gonna say goodbye-'_

"Ugh!" Amy groaned as she quickly turned back to her phone. It was now dancing across the floorboard of the passenger seat. She bent across the console and just managed to reach it.

'_..Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you-'_

Amy slid her thumb across the screen to answer the call.

"Hi, baby. I'm on my way home now. What do you want for dinner? I was thinking Taco Bell, but if you want something from that pizza place you love so much, then you are going to have to call in an order yourself and have it delivered, because I'm not stepping into that gross, seat-stained place again."

"Hey, Mom," Emma's voice wasn't very clear, almost as if she was holding the phone away from her face. "I don't really care. Jessica said movie night won't start until seven, so we can go out and eat if that's okay with you?"

Amy smiled at the offer. She tried not to dwell on the thought that with every attempt Emma has made to show affection, or passed on an opportunity to say how embarrassing her mom is, now that she's sixteen, has resulted in immediate joy on her part.

"That sounds wonderful, sweetie. I'll be home in about twelve minutes to pick you up," Amy responded.

"Will Jonah be joining us?" asked Emma. Amy could hear background noise of a faucet turning on come through the speaker.

Amy was waiting at a 'yield' sign and distractedly responded to her daughter, "Nope. He told me yesterday that Glenn guilt-tripped him into volunteering at his and Jerusha's church's haunted house. With a baby at home, Glenn said he felt uncomfortable continuing to play an abortion doctor so he asked Jonah to take his place. He told Jonah that the judge position opened up in the 'Demons of Divorce' room that he had his eye on."

Emma let out a snort and giggled. The faucet squeaked shut and the phone let out a crackling sound. After five seconds, it suddenly stopped and then Emma's voice was crystal-clear as she hesitantly asked, "Mom? Did you leave a radio on in your room? I can hear something…"

Amy frowned in confusion. She was in a rush to leave this morning, busy making sure that she had all the parts of her costume on or in her travel bag. It was possible that she left her iPod plugged into the ancient speaker on her dresser, but she was positive that she didn't play music this morning as she got ready.

"I don't think so," said Amy. She could hear Emma's breathing change as she assumed she was walking up the stairs to investigate the noise. Some soft chords from a ukulele and a singing voice with a high-pitch were becoming easier and clearer as Emma's microphone drew near the source.

'_..Ooooooohhhhhhh! Tip-toe, from the garden, by the garden, of the willow tree..'_

Immediately, Amy felt a chill run down her spine as she recognized the creepy song from that _Insidious _movie Jonah brought over and Emma told her to watch last month.

"Ok, Emma. This isn't funny. Please stop the music," Amy said in a tight voice, not at all covering her fright.

'_..Kneeeee deep in flowers, we'll stray!..'_

"I'm not doing anything, Mom!" cried Emma. "I'm on _my_ phone calling you. My computer is at Dad's and the TV isn't even-" A loud noise suddenly came through the line. "Something just happened downstairs!"

"Emma, stop doing this!" Amy said aggressively as her foot pushed the gas pedal down a bit more. "You're not being funny."

'_..And tip-toe, through the tulips, with me..'_

"It's not me!" Emma said defensively. The new noise grew louder and the music fainter as Emma crept back down the stairs. The noise sounded like static from a TV monitor.

"Mom," Emma's voice trembled over the din. "I swear, I wasn't anywhere near the remote." After a few long seconds, the static stopped. Amy could now hear clearly over the speaker Emma's stressed breathing and the clatter of the remote on the coffee table.

They were both quiet, listening for the music and anything else. There was silence over the line when suddenly-

'_TIP-TOE! THROUGH THE WINDOW' _

The start of the song blasted through the speaker. Both women screamed in fright.

"Emma!" Amy hoped her daughter could hear her over the overwhelmingly loud song.

"Mom! I'm scared," Emma cried into the phone. "I don't know where it's coming from!"

"Emma, stay on the phone. I'm almost home! Go somewhere you feel safe and I'll-" Amy was cut off by a beeping sound. She glanced down to see her screen flash that the call ended. "SON OF A BITCH!" she cursed as she threw her phone into the passenger seat.

A few minutes later, she slammed on the brakes and came to a sudden stop by the curb in front of her house; she barely remembered to put the car in park. Amy fought the seatbelt and door as she made a quick start for her front door.

Amy immediately grabbed the doorknob and pushed but it didn't twist open. She shouted, "Emma!" as she banged one palm on the door repeatedly. After a couple of seconds of no change, she dashed back to her car to get her keys.

She stumbled over her feet into the house once she finally got the key in the door.

Her shout of "Emma!" was met with no response. It was unsettlingly silent.

Amy's foot didn't even reach the first step when she heard music begin to float down the stairs. No words were discernable, only a melodic tune.

"Emma! Please cut it out! Let's just go to dinner. I'll forgive you for this dumb joke, just please end this now."

Amy strained to hear a response but heard nothing. She made her way up the stairs.

Two steps up, she felt her heart freeze in her chest. The music was the theme from _The Exorcist_, the first movie to give her nightmares as a child.

Her terror didn't stop her ascent, but she couldn't stop her hands from trembling.

She hesitantly followed the music to her bedroom. She stopped at the door and swept her eyes across the room. Nothing was standing out to her. She jerked her arm up to switch on the main light. There was no one there.

Amy took a step into the room. And then another. Her feet led her to the open door of her master bath, where the music was the loudest.

Half-way across the room, Amy heard a rustle and saw movement from the corner of her eye. Before she could fully turn to it, the closet door swung forward and a dark shape jumped towards her with a growl. Amy lost her balance when she jerked backward, away from it. Her brain blanked unhelpfully with panic as she drew closer to the floor, her arms thrown back to catch her. The man-sized black shape made jerky, unnatural movements as it drew closer.

Amy couldn't pull in enough air to scream. For some reason, her eyes flicked over to the space just behind her bed and then her head followed the movement; her eyes grew wide.

Red. Blood. Emma. Her brown eyes. Open. Blank. Unmoving.

A piercing scream tore through her throat; she couldn't take a breath.

"Amy! Amy! Hey, hey, hey, it's ok! Ssshhhh," a voice said.

Emma blinked. Her head moved and her open mouth transformed into a smile. She pushed herself up into a sitting position.

Amy's lungs finally felt relief. She turned her head back to the black shape and saw Jonah's concerned face appear from behind a black mask.

"Are you okay?" he asked with concern. He crouched down next to her, helping her to sit up.

Amy shook her head softly, unable to say anything. She was trying to get her heartbeat down and breathing back to normal.

Emma briefly left the room to turn off the haunting music and came bouncing over to Amy's other side. "We totally got you! I've never seen you so scared. It was awesome!" She turned to Jonah. "We should have got that on camera! Why didn't we think of that? Dad would have _loved_ it! That was so much fun!" She held her hand up expectantly and Jonah half-heartedly held his up for her exuberant high five.

Amy looked between the two of them, unable to believe that Jonah got her, _again_. She huffed in resentment of feeling the fool. "Glad to see that my panic brings the two of you so much joy."

Emma didn't seem to care about her mom's petulant tone. She smiled sweetly and kissed her mom's cheek with a "Happy Halloween!" Emma leaned back and ran a finger through the fake blood on her neck and held it up to inspect. "I hope this will come out of my hair without soap…" she trailed off in thought as she stood and left the room. A moment later, the bathroom door down the hall could be heard closing.

"So you guys had fun, I see," Amy turns to Jonah with a thin-lipped expression.

"Trick or treat, as the saying goes," Jonah says with an almost apologetic shrug. "It was mostly Emma's idea. Her eyes got so bright as I told her how much you freaked when Kelly pretend-stabbed me at work," he said with a small smile. "I knew I was in trouble when she asked if I still had any fake blood."

Amy couldn't hold back a smile in return. It was nice to see Emma being happy and carefree; it warmed her heart to see Jonah and Emma bonding, even if she wasn't a part of it.

"Help me up?" she asked Jonah, unsure if her legs could hold her yet.

Jonah didn't drop her hands when they were on their feet, face-to-face. He slowly dragged his hands up her arms and around to her upper back. He drew her into his arms and rested his head on hers after she folded herself into his chest.

"I'm sure glad I was able to talk down some of her early ideas," he said quietly into her hair. "At one point, she wanted you to walk in just as I sliced her throat with a fake knife and burst a blood pack. I immediately reminded her that A, we don't want to traumatize you and B, you own a gun.

"Not to mention," Jonah added as an afterthought, "you would even have a convenient, secret tunnel space at the store to hide my body until the next tornado demolition gets rid of the evidence."

Amy thumped the back of her hand against his chest in a feeble attempt of a reprimanding hit. "And don't you forget it," she added. She pulled back a little in his arms and met his loving gaze with a questioning one of her own. "Wait, was that Glenn thing a lie? Are you actually free tonight?"

Jonah grimaced. "Unfortunately not. It is true that I agreed to help Glenn. He told me to dress the part, and the other volunteers would give me my makeup and props." Jonah pulled away from Amy to grab a bag from the floor and dump its contents across the bed. "I did manage to get a lab coat from Pharmacy and a stethoscope. Did you know they have a literal bin of those sitting back there?"

"So," Amy began coyly, "you're planning on dressing up and playing doctor?"

"An abortion doctor, apparently," Jonah clarified.

Amy's little smile slipped and she threw her arms up in disappointment of his denseness.

"Oh! You mean," he trailed off in realization.

"Yes," said Amy, "I'm saying that maybe after your shift tonight, _Dr. Simms_, you can come over and give me a treat-ment." Amy finished her statement with a wince of embarrassment.

Jonah beamed with delight at her sad word choice. He cupped her cheeks with his soft hands and whispered, "Hey Amy?"

Amy found herself captivated by his warm, dark eyes and affectionate smile. "Mmhm?"

"Happy Halloween," he said and proceeded to pull her in for a kiss.

A/N: We didn't get to see too much of a reaction from Amy when Jonah was faked stabbed, which is a shame. I just know that a teenage Emma and "main squeeze" Jonah would jump at the chance to give her a good fright on Halloween.


	3. The Game Plan

**A/N: 4x1 Back to School "We had Italian last night…"**

"What took you so long?" was the greeting Jonah received when he walked through Amy's front door, arms laden with food. He quickly closed the door with his foot just as another rumble of thunder cracked through the air.

"It's Sunday night, Ames, they were busy," Jonah responded shortly. He dropped the bags on a cleared section of her kitchen table and immediately wiped away the water droplets running down his face. The ends of his hair were dripping onto the back of his neck, and the hem of his khaki pants was soaked to his ankles. Jonah was irritable but he didn't want to fight with her. After an exhaustive final shift at Lee's Chicken, he just wanted to spend a quiet night in with Amy.

Jonah walked back towards the living room, where he found Amy supported by several pillows on her couch, watching what he guessed was a crime show. He carefully lifted her feet from one end to sit down and moved them to his lap. He could tell she was not relaxing like he asked her to and began to slowly rub her swollen ankles and feet.

"Mmmhhmm," moaned Amy in pleasure. She slid lower on the couch and closed her eyes.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Sore. Tired. Hungry. And-dammit- I have to pee again..." Amy said irritably. She had one arm lying across her torso, beneath her breasts; the other hand rubbed small circles on her lower stomach, her bump now very defined with the late stages of pregnancy.

"Why don't I help you up? You can go to the bathroom and I'll get the food ready. Do you want to eat in the kitchen or in here?" Jonah asked as he helped maneuver her ungainly body to an upright position.

"In here, please," Amy groaned as she lifted her upper body off the couch. "Emma's not here, so I don't feel the need to keep to my own house rules. Anyways, the kitchen chairs are a killer to my lower spine," she said as she put one hand to her lower back and waddled to the hallway bathroom.

Jonah washed his hands in the kitchen sink and proceeded to make two plates of salad and pasta. The one he loaded with extra garlic bread he set down on the coffee table in Amy's spot. He also grabbed the last, open bottle of wine and two glasses. Jonah was also able to refill Amy's water bottle before she managed to shuffle back to the couch.

He adjusted her pillow pile and helped her lower herself into her seat next to him. "You'll be happy to hear," he commented idly, "that you were right. The hostess did give me extra breadsticks when I mentioned you had a pregnancy craving for them specifically. I'm going to try that tomorrow for an extra bagel."

Amy gave him a side-eye, but ignored his comment in order to stuff her mouth with a bite of said garlic bread. She moaned around the mouthful of food in contentment. Jonah was watching her and smiled to himself before he dug into his own plate. They ate in mostly silence as he watched Amy's show with her. She shushed him when, three minutes in, he theorized who the killer was with confidence.

"Of course, I know that," she scoffed, "but you're taking away the suspension of disbelief," Amy told him. He opened his mouth to retort but she cut him off with, "Nope!"

When they finished their dinner, Jonah collected the plates and gave them a quick wash and rinse in the kitchen sink while he let Amy finish her show.

"Hey, Jonah?" Amy got his attention as he returned to his seat next to her. "How much are we going to tell them tomorrow?" She was softly biting her lip; he could tell this has been on her mind for a while.

"Abo- about our relationship or the…or the sex?" Jonah stuttered a reply, not ready to discuss this topic yet. "Because I'm not okay with Marcus or Dina (or the rest of them for that matter) knowing anything about our sex lives," he continued, more firm.

"But you know they are going to say stuff about it! It will be worse than the kiss fiasco," Amy insisted. Jonah was looking down at his lap, trying to avoid this discussion. Amy grabbed a hold of his hand and squeezed, showing a small amount of vulnerability. With that, Jonah knew she wasn't going to let this go so he took a deep breath, laced their fingers together, and leaned closer to her.

"Okay. So, what do you want to do about it?" he asked her.

"Well, we need to have a game plan on how we react. They are going to make comments, like last time, and ask us personal questions," she responded. "Oh, better keep these two out of the photo lab. Uhh, you guys banged, why aren't the two of you together now?" she said in a deeper voice as she attempted to sound like Marcus.

Jonah felt exhausted already. "So then we give them boring, logical answers," he reasoned. "Like, reaffirm the fact that you are extremely pregnant with your ex-husband's child." Amy immediately frowned at his wording of that suggestion. Jonah quickly added, "Which makes you glow and look amazingly gorgeous and sexy—"

"Alright!" Amy cut him off. "We could also add that it's not a good time to start a relationship, with the baby, my divorce, and how things ended with Kelly."

"…Yeah," Jonah agreed with hesitancy. "Also, I'm not sure how much good it would do to lie outright about not having any feelings at all for each other. I mean, they weren't listening to us when we were denying it months ago." Amy nodded in agreement, her eyes open but not seeing as she thought deeply. "I'm sure it will be relentless comments for most of the day, but like last time, if we can show them it doesn't affect us, they won't find it fun anymore."

Amy looked up. "Can you do that, though?" she asked him, her head tilted. "Can you hold your tongue as they prattle on about your sexual performance and how 'good you gave it' to me? Or the repetitive, pestering questions on every detail of what happened?"

Jonah sputtered, "I can't-I'm not-" He took a breath. "It's not going to be easy. If that mannequin war two years ago taught me anything, it's that if I let them see how much it bothers me, it could get so much worse." He took both of her hands in his and looked into Amy's eyes. "Our relationship is ours alone to enjoy and explore. They don't have the right to mess with it or have a say in what we do. So, we may have to try all the tricks in the book to lie to their faces, but it will all be worth it if I can have these moments with you. Let's not allow them to ruin that."

Amy's eyes were locked on Jonah's face; she took in and recorded every feature throughout his sincere affirmation to her. She took a breath. Her eyes had started to water and she quickly took a hand back to wipe them away before they became tears. Stupid hormones.

She shifted on the couch so she could lean against his side and put her head on his shoulder. Jonah immediately wrapped his unrestricted arm around her torso until his hand landed on the sensitive skin on the inside of her arm. He rubbed small circles with his thumb until she pinched his side. He knew she was ticklish there.

"There is nothing we can't handle," Jonah said supportively. "What's the worst that could happen, besides the dumb jokes? We are forced to sit through the same training video on workplace sex?" Amy snorts a chuckle at the memory of Jonah's embarrassment that day Dina forced them to watch it. "Or someone replays our video on their phone?"

"God, I hope not," Amy cuts in.

"I guess there is even a high chance that Glenn will try to drag us into his office to give us 'the talk' about sex outside of marriage," Jonah went on.

"That's easy," Amy reassured, "we can just keep coming up with excuses about the back-to-school sale and being needed on the floor."

"Right, good idea," said Jonah.

They lapsed into silence before Amy wondered aloud, "What dumb, childish nicknames do you think they came up with for us while we were gone? Gene's wasn't very good, after all."

"Hmmm," Amy felt Jonah's chest vibrate with his acknowledgment of her question. "I haven't given it much thought…"

"Jonah-Bone-a," said Amy with a grin. "Or Bone-a-Jonah."

"Tickle-Me-Amy," was his comeback.

"Wh-Amy," she attempted.

"J-Screw," he threw out.

"Amy-Got-Back," she said with attitude and snap of her fingers.

That one got Jonah to laugh. His spirits were lifted to see her making light of the situation.

Amy sat up straight so she could face Jonah.

"Since I'm going back to my position as Floor Supervisor, I will have to talk to everyone in order to give out assignments," then Amy paused. Jonah nodded for her to continue. "Can you please practice with me some of the things they might say so I can be prepared with professional rebuttals?" Jonah began to shake his head no at her request. "Please, Jonah!"

"No, Amy! I don't want to," he asserted. "I _really_ do not want to get into their headspace and think of nasty things to say to you."

"Please, practice with me."

"No. Absolutely not."

"Yes!"

"Nope! Not happening."

Five minutes later, Jonah was lying across the couch holding a pillow to his face as he listened to Amy come up with her third rephrasing of _'It's none of your damn business'_: "That is a personal matter that has nothing to do with what I just said."

Luckily, he found a welcome method of distraction seven minutes later that required the use of her mouth for more enjoyable activities.

**End of first day back.**

"Wow, what a day," sighed Amy as she passed Jonah the dish of salsa.

"Certainly not how we expected it to go," added Jonah. "I did not expect, nor did I ever wish to hear, '14-year-old' and 'sexual harassment' to be in the same sentence with your name."

"And I shouldn't have let their questions get under my skin like that," Amy said with a frown. "I'm sorry, Jonah. I didn't mean for that to happen."

"What?" Jonah asked with heavy sarcasm. "You mean that you didn't want to hold a Ted-Talk on sex-ed with our co-workers featuring us and our junk?" With an edge of annoyance, he added, "With how eager you were to share all our private details, I was waiting for an accompanying slideshow with pictures and diagrams. Maybe even a puppet show. "

Amy gave him a look to show she did not find him amusing.

"I'm sorry," Amy repeated. "I know I shouldn't have done that. I know you were very uncomfortable." Amy moved her hand so it was covering his. Jonah looked from her hand to her face as she said with sincerity, "But I appreciate you backing me up and supporting my rash decision."

Jonah's face relaxed. He said, in all seriousness, "The word 'orgasm' was said 27 times. I counted."

Amy groaned. She hung her head and covered her eyes with her other hand and then chuckled in embarrassment. Jonah joined with a laugh of his own.

"It was sooo bad," she moaned to his amusement.

A/N: I have a couple more ideas, both are a lot like this one (dialogue heavy). If anyone has a request, I would love some inspiration.


	4. Motivational Monday

A/N: Inspired by Amy's line in the cutest part of 3x20 "Gender Reveal": _"And batting for the Cardinals, Don Sosa."_

Timeline: Sometime shortly after their return from the managers' conference.

* * *

"And one more thing," Glenn announced cheerfully, "The raccoon has left a nest of ripped pillows from our home display in aisle seven and a mess in produce. Whoever cleans it up, be sure to wear gloves because its droppings will likely be somewhere in it. Oh! And follow proper disposal procedure! We don't want another breakout of pink-eye."

It was 6:53 a.m. on a Monday morning and the employees in the break room of Cloud 9 were drowsily waiting for Glenn to finish his morning announcements so they could get up and move. Most of the assembled workers were waiting to feel that caffeine hit to happen and some of them were planning on finding their preferred spots to lie down for a thirty-minute power nap.

Jonah was seated next to Amy at one of the middle tables. He had his morning fruit, kale, and flax seed smoothie bottle in front of him. He was distractedly picking at its label as he waited for their dismissal. Amy was bouncing her crossed leg and spinning her empty coffee cup, her third one in the last half-hour.

"Amy," said Glenn with a wave of his clipboard. Amy turned her head to make eye-contact with Glenn. "I'll need you to assign someone that task right away."

"Sure thing, right away," she responded promptly with a smile, eager to end the meeting.

"Alright, then. I guess that's it," concluded Glenn, whose smile began to falter.

The room was filled with the sound of chairs scuffling as everyone stood, stretched, and groaned their way for the exit.

"Wait!" exclaimed Glenn. Some heavy sighs escaped from the group as everyone stopped where they were at and turned back towards their manager. "I'm disappointed. Were none of you going to ask me about the new contest?" he asked in agitation as he took a step to the side and raised his arms to direct attention to the table against the wall. It had a poster board with pictures and a random assortment of the store's defective Cardinals gear. Taped to the front was a single, plain copy paper with the word '_contest_' in bold comic sans.

"Glenn, it's not new. Corporate has done this for several years. Besides, we all know who's going to win. Sallyanne has won the last four years," complained Amy with a wave of her arm in frustration, hand pointed towards the poster board filled with a collage of mainly images of Sallyanne. It was obvious that Glenn let Jerusha get a little wild with some scrapbooking materials.

"Well, someone new will win this year!" Glenn said with conviction. "It's not hard you guys, just ask all of the customers you help this week to fill out the company survey on their receipt and next thing you know, you'll be the winner of a pair of tickets to a Cardinals game! The person with the most positive surveys, that is."

"Besides," Dina added from the corner, "Sallyanne has been banned from the competition. Last year, we discovered that she had acquaintances taking surveys at her behest, bumping up her score. I mean we found she had people from her knitting circle, book club, 'Magicians' Assistants Group of America', charity bar crawl organization, 'Liars Anonymous', and more," she said as she counted up the names on her raised hand.

"'Liars Anonymous'?" asked Jonah. "Is that a real thing? And how would you know it was them, if they're anonymous—and liars?"

"I verified," responded Dina promptly. "It's an online community whose forums work a lot like Catholic confession. And we had our suspicions when we had surveys for our store coming in from all over the place. Four were taken in India, alone. And, oh man, those guys are taking jobs no one wants to a whole new level," she snorted in amusement of her own statement.

"So you see you guys?" Glenn asked to bring everyone back on topic. "One of you will be the winner of a _mighty-fine _pair of Cardinals tickets this year," Glenn proclaimed to get everyone to match his enthusiasm.

After the silence and blank stares went on too long for his liking, he waved them away with a frown. "Alright, everyone, go ahead. Amy has your assignments."

"Hey, Marcus," Glenn called as the last few employees shuffled out. The man by the lockers walked up to him "Please," said Glenn quietly, "could you stop asking personal questions to our lady shoppers? We've gotten a few complaints. Maybe—maybe just try the 'less-is-more' approach to what you say. That's the advice I hear a _whole_ lot," he stated with a kind smile.

* * *

"So," said Jonah to break the silence, "what do you think about the corporate contest?" he asked the people next to him. He was stocking a shelf of dish soap while Mateo worked on the paper towels across the aisle. Amy was standing by the end-cap, checking her clipboard. She looked up at his question with a tilt of her head.

"Uhm, I don't—" Amy began before she was cut off by Mateo from behind her.

"The prize is irrelevant to me," he said haughtily with a hand to his chest, "now that Queen-of-Lies Sallyanne has been dethroned, I'll finally be getting the recognition I deserve."

Jonah caught Amy's eye-roll and he unconsciously smiled in return. "What about you, Amelia?" he teased her.

Amy narrowed her eyes at him and shifted on her heels to stand straighter before responding, "I think it's a dumb ploy by corporate to boost customer satisfaction numbers before the close of the quarter so it can pad the reports to shareholders and twist statistics to make the company look better on official public documents. I also think that it's a lazy attempt to make us work harder for a prize of questionable value that only one person can enjoy."

"Is that all?" Jonah blinked in astonishment. He was not prepared for her blunt opinion. Usually, she held her corporate complaints in while at work until Jonah coaxed them out of her; he was expecting a brush-off to his simple question. Maybe too much of that fancy coffee she brought back from Chicago was messing with her. He did vaguely recall a study about lab mice and altered brain function on caffeine.

"I know I won't win the contest," said a soft voice right next to Jonah's ear. He jumped and turned quickly to find Sandra standing a couple of steps away. "That's what you guys were talking about, right?" she asked eagerly.

"Uh huh," answered Jonah with a wide step backward towards Amy. "Whatcha got there, Sandra?" he asked after his gaze slid down to her full arms. She held a wide but shallow plastic bin of broken glass pieces.

"Oh, this?" Sandra asked with a smile as she briefly lifted the bin, its contents rattled. "Dina asked me to find items with sharp edges and put them in this bin and carry it to where she tells me to," she happily explained to her audience. "She just hasn't told me where yet."

"Sandra," said Amy in her 'mom-voice'. "Why don't you go put that somewhere safe, yeah? Maybe find a cover and store it somewhere no one might accidentally hurt themselves. Okay?"

"Okay," nodded Sandra. The three of them watched her turn and walk down the aisle. They all winced when she briefly stumbled over her feet and again when she bumped her shoulder on a shelf as she turned the corner.

Jonah turned back to Amy with a raised eyebrow. She met his eye and shook her head in bewilderment before they both turned back to their tasks.

"I don't _hate _it," Amy continued a moment later. "I just think they could do better, do _more_, for the benefit of employees and customers."

"So you're not going to compete?" asked Mateo.

"Uhm," Amy countered. "I didn't say that. I mean, it's simply just doing my job, all I have to do is mention the dumb survey before they leave and that's it. Plus, if I win, it could help my case if I decide to pursue Cloud 9 management training."

"Not to mention," Jonah piped up, "competition is not going to be high. Garrett never puts in the effort unless goaded. Cheyenne doesn't care for sports. And come on, I'm sure the others like Elias and Marcus have scores in the negative."

Mateo pushed his empty cart into the main aisle. He began walking it to the back and said over his shoulder with a smile, "Good luck, Amy! You're going to need it since you weren't naturally gifted with an incredibly charming personality like me."

Jonah and Amy watched him leave with matching expressions of irritation. They observed him a couple of seconds later stopping and beginning an overly-enthusiastic conversation with a handsome man with a man-bun.

"Jonah," Amy said in a controlled, even voice. "You're going to help me take him and his ego down, right?"

"To be clear on what you're asking of me," Jonah began as he pressed his palms together and pointed his fingertips in her direction. "You want us to team up to make sure Mateo doesn't win the competition? And not—I don't know—hide Elias's sweaty compression socks in his car at the start of his eight-hour shift?"

Amy stared at him quietly for a moment, brows furrowed but expression unreadable, before giving him a shrug and asked, "Why not both?"

Jonah smiled and held his hand up which Amy readily copied as she accepted his high-five.

* * *

"Great news," said Jonah after he appeared at Amy's side at the laptop display counter. The couple of customers she was with had just left with a full cart. "I pretended to let slip to Mateo that Garrett had a pot going on who was going to win the contest."

"Ok?" Amy asked in confusion. "How does that help me?"

"Let me finish," Jonah rushed. "I lied that Garrett's largest hold was for _Brett_, which Mateo fully believed and he rushed off right after."

Amy's eyebrows went up as she replied incredulously, "So?"

"_So_," continued Jonah, "Mateo is going to be distracted sabotaging Brett, your other biggest threat, leaving you a chance to pull ahead without Mateo shadowing your every move."

Amy smiled and squeezed his arm in thanks. "Good idea. Thanks, Jonah."

Jonah's face lit up with her praise.

Amy broke eye contact first when she realized she was staring too long. She looked away and her eyes landed on a woman pushing a shopping cart with her small child in the front seat. She had stopped in the middle of the aisle and attempted to comfort her unhappy child. Amy turned to Jonah and asked eagerly, "Ready for scenario B?"

His eyes followed the direction of her head tilt and he spotted the mother. "Oh," he responded glumly.

"It's only for a minute, Jonah. I'll be right behind you," Amy assured him. He nodded reluctantly as he removed his nametag and put it in his pocket. She gave his arm another quick squeeze and then walked a little further down the counter and pretended to look busy. She watched from the corner of her eye as Jonah approached the woman.

"Hi, Ma'am," he said to get her attention. "Are you looking for the maternity section? Expecting another little one?"

"Excuse me?!" Her sudden shout of anger caused Jonah to flinch. "I'm not pregnant, you asshole."

"My mistake," he said with offensive inflection and a mocking shrug. "You were looking for the pharmacy, then? Diet pills are in aisle two. Makeup and hair coloring aisles five and seven."

Her jaw dropped. She stepped closer to him with a finger pointed at his chest. "I don't know who you think you are, but you can't treat me this way! Bring out your managers, I want to talk to them. Now!"

Amy approached from behind the woman with a troubled expression and said in a soothing tone, "What's the problem, here?"

The woman spun around and looked Amy over. Her eyes caught on the badge (labeled "Amy: Floor Supervisor") and the clipboard in her hands before she pointed at Jonah and told Amy, "This employee is harassing me and I want him written up or fired!"

"Is that true, Zach?" Amy asked Jonah with outrage. He shrugged his shoulders and mumbled, "I was just being helpful." The enraged woman immediately summarized the exchange to Amy.

"Zach," Amy enunciated clearly, "go to my office, we need to have a talk." Jonah didn't linger, he quickly walked to another section. "Ma'am," she said as she turned to the woman, "please, let me apologize for our employee's rude behavior. If you would like, I have a voucher for a free small frozen yogurt at our café. Can I help you find what you're looking for?" The woman relaxed and walked with Amy to housewares, where she proceeded to enthusiastically share an anecdote about her baby. Fifteen minutes later, Amy walked away from a satisfied customer with another completed survey.

* * *

The following Monday morning, Glenn once again kept his floor associates delayed in the break room for morning announcements.

"Last, but not least," he said with excitement as he picked up and put on a flawed Cardinals Fred Bird hand puppet, its pair of eyes looking north and south. "Squawk," he said as he attempted to sound like a bird, "It's time to announce—"

"That's not what a cardinal sounds like," Dina cut in. "The males sing like—" and she whistled a few bars. "They don't squawk like a parrot. That's just ridiculous," she said condescendingly with a shake of her head.

"Thank you, Dina," Glenn said dismissively. He continued more excitedly, "It's time to announce the winner of our customer service contest!"

His exclamation was met with unimpressed silence. Amy and Mateo the only ones to move as they leaned forward in anticipation. Glenn gave a circular gesture with his free hand to the room. Amy and Jonah looked at each other in confusion.

"Drum roll, please," said Glenn in exasperation.

"Oh," exclaimed Amy and she led the room in starting a halfhearted drum beat.

Glenn beamed as he picked up the envelope with his puppet. He opened it and said in a voice from the side of his mouth, "And the winner is….Amy Sosa!"

Amy jumped out of her seat and joined Glenn in the front, a glowing smile on her face. The room clapped unenthusiastically except for Jonah, who mirrored Amy's excitement. She awkwardly took the tickets offered to her from Glenn's puppet hand.

"Congrats, Amy," Glenn announced proudly. "You've certainly earned it. Alright, everyone! Let's meet up front for our weekly chant circle."

Everyone made their way out of the breakroom, talking amongst themselves. Justine called out a "Congrats!" to Amy as she passed. Jonah joined Amy by her locker when everyone else was gone.

"Ya did good, Champ," he said playfully in a Brooklyn accent.

"Thanks, I couldn't have done this without you," Amy responded sincerely.

"Can I?" he asked with his hand held out. She let him take the tickets to study them closely. As he pulled out his phone, he asked, "So who's your plus one? Does Emma like baseball?"

"She does. She would watch some games with Adam. But it's mostly because she likes to watch a couple of the younger players on the team. Adam said all the time how he wanted to take her to Busch but he never saved up to do it himself. So I thought I would give them to him so he can finally take her," admitted Amy.

Jonah looked up from his phone with a frown. "What are you talking about?" he asked. "You put in the effort for these and you _deserve_ to be the one to take her."

"I guess…" she mumbled unsure.

"You do, Amy," asserted Jonah. "Adam had years to do it, still can if he wants, but it is _you_ who has the opportunity and desire, so you should take it. Have a mother-daughter day."

"Yeah—yeah, you're right," Amy decided. "I don't need to make up for Adam's bad decisions. Emma wouldn't mind if it was me she went with. She would just be excited to be there and get some Instagram filters for posts on her Snapchat stories." Jonah nodded along and smiled at her attempt to sound knowledgeable of social media terms.

"Besides," Jonah added, "if you change your mind about Adam, I found where your seats are." He handed her back her tickets and showed her his phone. "An additional seat in your row is listed at $28."

"Really?" Amy asked in surprise. "That's all they're worth? Wait. Why am I surprised? Of course they're nose-bleed seats." She looked up from his phone and said, "I don't want Adam to come with us, I don't want to deal with the tension and arguing. Also, we would have to find a babysitter for Parker. No, I would like you to come with us," she said as her free hand grabbed his.

"Are you sure?" he asked in surprise. He rushed to add before she could answer, "I would love to spend an afternoon in the city with you and your daughter, truly, but why don't you think about it a little longer and decide then, alright? It could be a great bonding time for the two of you."

Amy smiled in appeasement, not promising anything.

The store speaker clicked on and Dina's voice carried over the store a moment later. "We're waiting on you, Amy and Backstreet-Barbie. Get moving!" she barked in annoyance.

* * *

"What are you wearing?" Amy laughed in disbelief when Jonah walked through her front door. His hand tugged nervously on the brim of his baseball cap as he looked down at his windbreaker, new Cardinals jersey, and jeans and could not determine what she was talking about. "Is that—is that a fanny pack?!" she exclaimed.

"I call it a 'Swag Bag' and they are actually 'in' right now," said Jonah in jest as he modeled it off to Amy's continued amusement.

"Take that off. It is so _not _cool anymore. '_You're embarrassing me, Smalls_,'" she quoted to him with a large grin.

"It's actually '_You're killing me, Smalls,' _but close," Jonah said with a smile.

"You're both right," said 15-year-old Emma in greeting as she reached the bottom of the stairs. "Mom, Jonah is right, fanny packs _are_ making a comeback. Jonah, they may be having a moment again but only hot, young girls and PC tough guys at outdoor festivals are pulling it off. Leave it here and put everything in your pockets or mom's bag, like the adult you are."

"Hi, Emma. Nice to see you again. How are you? Good? That's great. How am I doing? Oh, I'm well, thank you for asking," Jonah said with sarcasm and a smile on his face.

Emma rolled her eyes with fondness. She had grown to appreciate her mom's work friend. He first came off too eager to find common interests with her, but then he mellowed out and the two of them developed an easy comradery. She found him easy to talk to, like some of her theater friends at school, and also a sort of supporter in the sense that she could approach him with teenage/adult questions without the baggage of him being a parent or family member.

"You may act my age but you shouldn't try to copy the look," she sassed back. "Do what mom says," instructed Emma. "Trust us," she interrupted his rebuttal. "We don't want to walk around the Village with a dork who wears his father's 80s collection."

"Okay," conceded Jonah. "I can see I'm outnumbered."

Amy rolled her eyes at his melodramatic tone. She grabbed her purse and ushered her daughter and boyfriend out the door.

"I'm driving so I get to pick the music!" Jonah exclaimed excitedly. Emma and Amy groaned as Jonah chuckled. He wasn't going to torture them with dated show tunes and Disney songs.

At least not the whole trip.

Later that night, Emma wrote in her diary about how much she enjoyed the sunny day at the ballpark with her mother. Of course, Jonah and her mom embarrassed her half a dozen times (no one does 'the wave' anymore) and there was a scary moment when Jonah almost got punched by a drunk guy two times his size. In the end, though, what Emma reminisced about most from the day was seeing her mom smiling and carefree. It was hard for her to remember a time when her mom was this happy, almost _giddy_, around her dad.

Jonah's kind of weird, but if he is a part of the reason Mom seems different now, Emma thought, then she was willing to give him a chance.

* * *

A/N: I'm sorry I keep pulling Emma into these short stories, it's just that I can empathize with her character a bit more than Amy right now. My brain keeps coming up with situations that could involve her. Not to mention, Amy's role as a mother is casually mentioned on the show (like that small moment at the beginning of "Blizzard") but her _being_ a mother only happened in like three episodes even though it makes up a huge part of her identity (like why she works hard, keeps her head down, and doesn't take selfish risks). I like to explore the Amy we glimpse when she's away from the store. My inspiration is the episode where Amy and Jonah take off in the truck to her parents' house.


End file.
